So I decided tonight after my parents went to bed to try and log into my old livejournal account. Finally managed to get in and read about half of my entries. Can I just say I bitched a lot about stupid shit!! I mean I had some stuff I wasn't happy with but christ I was still better off then 75% of the population. I look at my situation now compared to then and I wish I had just kept my fucking mouth shut. I swear I am going to keep my whining depressed bitchiness in check this time around. I mean I am not going to not talk about what's on my mind but I swear I am going to chat up the good more then I have in the past. No wonder everyone wanted me to go talk to a counselor!

I truly believe that I am much better right now then I was this time last year. I still wonder why I had to lose my job and even though I wasn't happy I never would have left without having another job. I just know I am in a much better mindset not having all the stress and frustration I had at CFS. Being home is OK. Not as bad as I thought it would be. I would like to change a couple of things: I wish dad was working, he is such a bear not having something to focus on, working on the house helps but no matter how much he says he is tired of the rat race he needs to work a job; I wish mom would finish getting her stuff out of my room so I could finally get serious about moving some of my furniture from PA into my room and finally get around to unpacking the boxes I have in my room; I am figuring out how much it will cost comcast to put a second cable connection in my room so I can have some privacy and not spend all day around my parents; I am paying rent, and I really wish my parents would treat me more like a tenant then their son; and I wish more people would want to get together with me. Which leads to my next topic.

Alot of my friends aren't around anymore. Some have moved away, some are still away at school. But most that are still around have a couple things in common. They are married or in a serious relationship or having a kid or having a second kid. I feel like everytime I turn around someone is getting married or having a kid. So few people I know are still single or not expecting. I just wish someone would pick up the phone and call.

I am going to be 30 in less than a month. I didn't expect to be married by this point in my life but I thought I would at least be in a serious relationship by now. My mom was 26 when I was born and my dad was 29. I mean at least financially I am not ready for a committed relationship or to be engaged or married and trying to plan a family but I really don't think I want to wait too much longer (i.e. five years or so). And b-t-dub, I am going to be in Newport for my birthday (heading up Friday after Thanksgiving, my birthday is Sunday the 29th). I would love if some of my friends made the trip up to party with me but it's not really a big deal, I will be getting together with some people I know up there.

Right now school is a priority. If I am ever going to go back now is the time. So this weekend I am going to sit down and fill out the online application for AMU and see what happens. If I get in I won't necessarily start right away but I need to do it soon so I can fill out the FAFSA forms. I am going to apply to the masters in military history program, concentration in WWII. A masters is enough to teach on the college level depending on the school. If not I can write, work for any number of historical societys, who knows what else.

And speaking of my dad, he was flown up to SUNY Plattsburgh two weeks ago for an interview. We are really hoping he gets this job and he should get word by early next week at the latest I would hope. It would solve a lot of problems for my parents. First my dad is just about done with the outside house repairs he wanted to do. If he gets this job we can afford to have someone come in and finish the work he can't do or doesn't want to do. Two Plattsburgh has the potential to be a place my parents could comfortably retire in. Three if he gets the job my parents would have some time apart and with both of them being out of work (my mom intentionally, my dad, not so much) I think they have been in each others hair WAY more then they would like. If he gets the job it will be at least 9 to 11 months before we move. Four my parents can't afford to live here anymore, let alone retire at some point. We all love NJ. I don't care what anyone says, NJ is a great place. So much to do, so much history and so much more then just an industrial wasteland (which if more of you would go half an hour west of the parkway you would realize that). And I would go with them because at this point, short of getting serious with someone before then, I would have no choice but to go with them.

Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to write right now. I am sure I will come back to these topics over the coming weeks and months.